For the past 20 years, I feel like I have been on one really long diet. For years the scale has determined my sense of self worth, my confidence and my self esteem,. This is a common theme in women’s wellness. Over the years, I have been overly consumed about what is going into my body, how many calories a timbit is, how many minutes of exercise I have done today or what I need to not eat to make caloric room for cake at the party later. It quite possibly was to the point of a mild eating disorder.
About 5 years ago, I decided to stop with the calorie obsessing and just live life. This sounds easy, but for me with 15 good years of thinking about food and weight constantly, it was really hard. I had to let it go. After working at it, I felt like a found a good balance. The result was some weight gain which I had to deal with but I finally got to a point in my life where I felt I had balance between treats, fitness and my “diet”. I had a baby and then my body changed even more. A year after Ravyn was born, the weight piled, no matter what I did so I just gave up.
For the past 2 years, I have had a journey of wellness. I was feeling exhausted, my hair was falling out, I had trouble sleeping, I started getting hives, I had constant discomfort in my abdomen causing me to stop running and enjoying fitness. Then the headaches, migraines, hot flashes and muscle pain descended. As I mentioned before, unexplained weight gain was another huge issue. So, I went back to the doctor and then to another one and another one and no one could find a medical problem including perimenopause or a thyroid issue. I was offered an IUD to help with age related hormone balancing and several medications for the hives.
In many movies and books, people have these “AH HA“ moments. I am proud to say that I had had one 8 years before about another change but suddenly very recently, had another one. My second “Ah Ha Revelation” was that maybe my body had slowly been trying to tell me something for years. Maybe, when I did not listen to my body’s first few alarms, my body kept giving me more alarms to try to speak to me. Maybe my body was screaming “you need to HELP me” and I did not listen.
Although I was counting calories, I was not always getting balanced nutrition. Years of artificial sweeteners, low fat products and skipping meals had affected my body. I have had two different sleeping disorders and sleep deprivation seemed normal to me. I started to wonder if the sleeping issues was not the first alarm my body tried to send me. If I wanted to feel better, I better start listening to what my body was telling me.
I am still on this journey. I am a mom of 5 kids, working from home and trying to balance it all and now I am trying to take time for me. I am still learning and this will take many years but I wanted to stop and share what I have learned so far. If I get derailed, someone make me come back and read this post again!
Relationship with Food:
One day, I looked down at all my fresh vegetables that I was preparing and thought, look at all this nourishing food
that is so good for my body. Food is not just made up of macros and calories, but it is what gives our body the nutrition it needs to function properly. Suddenly, the food I ate became a lifestyle not a diet. My heart became involved in what I prepared for myself and I began to see food as nourishing my spirit not a caloric in/out system. There is no finish line to my food choices now as I do not see them changing. I am not on a diet or off a diet. I am not re-starting Monday after a indulgent weekend. The foods I now choose, make me feel more energized, clear headed and happy. If I have a treat, it is not falling off the wagon but nourishing another part of my soul that needed chocolate or some nachos. Its about balance. We have to enjoy life and our journey so have chocolate and have nachos, just not for breakfast everyday.
Supplements
Today’s produce does not have the same nutritional values as produce produced 40 years ago. You would have to eat 8 oranges to get the same amount of vitamin A your grandparents got from a single orange. And you would need to eat five to get the same level of iron. In order to support our bodies, we need to eat more whole foods and less added sugar, preservatives and flour. My family uses a whole food supplement, Juice Plus, to ensure that we are getting the nutrients we need. The changes I have made in my diet have included tons of whole foods but they tend to be servings of the same 10-15 veggies. Juice Plus gives me the confidence in knowing I am getting the benefits of 30 different fruits and veggies each day. I also take several supplements from Neora’s Wellness line including the brain supplement, sleep chews and probiotic as I believe they are right for me. We put money into our cars, houses, hobbies and hair but often our wellness is ignored because we think it is too costly. I budget in money for wellness as I believe protecting my brain, sleep and my gut health is important and a priority. The choice is yours. It means we don’t eat out as a family as often but that is a trade I am willing to make.
Perception of Fitness
Several years ago, I read an article that said if you walk 5 km or run km, the benefits are the same for your body. 
Then I read another that said running was better then walking and burned more calories. Naturally, my calorie counting brain decided that I should be exercising ALL OUT. When my weight started to go up, I first started exercising more or double. I taught myself to run at age 38 for this reason. I used to LOVE walking. I found peace walking and enjoyed it. I do not naturally enjoy running so why did I stop doing what I loved…because I was gaining weight and an article told me so. In my mind, being in good physical shape was being able to run 10 km and blew off my favourites of yoga and step class.
Since then, I have learned that fitness is not an all-out event. Your fitness has to do about moving your body in a positive way every day. Frantically running, spin classes and the elliptical are forms of fitness but also need to be balanced. There are times in my life when I am under stress, I need to walk and do yoga. Exercising with intensity will actually make me feel worse. I had to change my perception of fitness and my health because just because yoga does not make you gasp for air, you are still strengthening your muscles and increasing flexibility. Walking and yoga is good for MY body right now as my soul needs the calm and peace to repair. Increasing my heart rate and my cardiovascular health are still of value for me but I realize that I do not need to push it all the time. What is important is that I not worry about weight/type of exercise but worry about supporting my body and wellness.
Gut Health
Everywhere we go, you hear about Gut Health. This is a newer term but flashed around a lot in the past few years. Ten years ago, I thought about my gut as a digestive system but research is now linking how our gut is doing to our mental health, allergies, skin conditions, thyroid issues, fatigue, weight gain, headaches and many more. Funny that many of those are on list of complaints I was talking about to doctors. I am not a doctor or nutritionist so I can not tell you how to heal your gut. I would suggest to you all to research this or talk to your health care professional. I have been eliminating gluten and dairy to try to heal my “gut” and I do feel better. I added probiotics to help support this healing as well.
The little pieces I underestimated: Me, Water and Sleep
When we get busier as moms and parents, we stay up later, drink more coffee and power through. At night, some of us drink wine or whatever alcohol helps you relax so you can pass out, get up and do it again.
Everyone knows from a young age that we should drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
Everyone knows we should get 8-9 hours of sleep a night
WE DO NOT DO EITHER….Why is hydration and sleep never a priority to us but it is when we parent our children. We make sure their water bottles are full and they get enough sleep. You would be horrified to put your 2 year old to bed 4 hours late and up at the same time the next day because you KNOW the child will be grumpy. Why do we do it to ourselves then?
In order to heal, get rid of toxins and function properly, we need water and sleep. Only as of this January, have I made sleep and hydration a priority. It takes effort to not grab coffee, it takes effort to have a sleep routine and go to sleep at a reasonable hour when you want to stay up after the kids went to bed. It takes effort not to resort to alcohol as a sleep aid. I had to change my relationship with all of these things in order to create balance.
Christmas was a rough time this year. I decided to make 2020 the Year I Take Back Ellyn. I am going to stop working at a reasonable time each night and relax. I am going back to my yoga practice and doing things for just me again. If I do not take time for me, I will break down and be no good for my family. I need to nourish my spirit and soul making myself a priority and teaching my children to do so too. We are in control of our own happiness so I better do something that I enjoy for my own happiness. Now, I take some time each day just to BREATHE and I do not feel selfish for doing so.
Results:
I am not “fixed”. I am still struggling to determine what my body needs and does not need. I am making mistakes and some progress. What I can tell you is that my constant pain and migraines are much better. I can tell you my hot flashes are pretty much gone. I can tell you my stomach and digestion are improving. Weight is not yet flying off but that is not my priority. My priority is to learn to listen to my body and what it needs. I truly believe that once I do that, a healthy weight will be achieved.
This story is of my journey and my perception of wellness. If you are not feeling well, I do encourage you to see a medical professional but to also stop and listen to the alarms that maybe your body is sending you.
What does wellness mean to you?
