Your beautiful, sweet snuggly baby turns one years old and everything seems amazing. Suddenly one day, the unimaginable happens, a noise you have never heard before erupts from you sweet baby’s mouth. There might be throwing, hitting or even more horrible noises. The first temper tantrum has arrived. Here are some tips on dealing with temper tantrums.
The temper tantrum has many forms. There is the shrieking because they want something. There is the full throw yourself to the ground and scream and there is the sheer anger meltdown which often involves hitting or throwing. I had one kid that would vomit. I feel like there is an endless variety of the temper tantrums to delight you through out your parenting experience. I also find we block these out like the pain of childbirth. Why would a mom want another baby if she remembered the pain of childbirth or the agony of temper tantrums? Our mind buries these experiences while the baby crazy brain takes over.
Temper Tantrums: What can you do?
The first thing that I have learned with my experiences is how to avoid temper tantrums. Always keeping your kids from getting over tired is impossible but you can try your best to avoid missing naps. I also have kids that get “hangry” so making sure you have nutritious snacks to fuel their little bodies when you are not at home is really important. Jack is 14 now and so I do not carry around snacks for him but he looked in my purse the other day and exclaimed “Mom, the good snacks! You have your purse full of snacks again! I remember that”. Purse snacks and car snacks were my life for about 8 years. I have loaded up the giant purse once again. Keeping triggers away is also helpful. If you know your little is going to want your older child’s sucker he got at preschool, then have him eat it at nap time or in another room. Put things away that they are not allowed to touch and so on.
No matter what you do, a temper tantrum will happen. When it does, it is best to have a plan. Plans always make me feel better. This is where you have to put your big girl panties on and take a deep breath. Your job is to be calm, to be in control and to make sure your little is safe. Do not give in! Even when you are in a restaurant and don’t want to make a scene, don’t give in. They figure this out and will rule your world. If you need to remove the child from the public space, that is fine but you need to stay strong. This is where I went wrong, if my child pointed and shrieked for something in public, I would I give in to not disturb others. I regret this.
Once the temper tantrum begins you have to follow your plan. Now with my first one, he had to let his emotions out. He needed to scream and yell to feel better. It was best to just walk away and come back. With my daughter, distraction was the best way. If I walked away she would vomit and them I had to clean it up. It was a lot easier to find a snack, a favourite game to distract her or even move to another room. Distraction did not work with my son. You need to find what works for your little and then be consistent.
Then there is the exit strategy! If you are lucky, your little will start their tantrum and then at some point realize it is not working, stop and just move on. As I mentioned before, my daughter would scream until she threw up. That was her exit strategy, then she would stop yelling. My son had some pride issues! In the midst of his tantrum, which could last about 45 minutes sometimes, he would not know how to just stop and move on. Did he think that the transition would make him look less committed to his tantrum? I have no idea. He was stubborn enough not to give in. My plan, was to wait until his emotions seemed to be less intense and them go hold him. He would not stop until I wrapped him up in a forced hug. Don’t you wish each child came with instructions? You have to play around to see what works with each child. I have a friend who starts to laugh at her little and eventually she will stop yelling and laugh too. Whatever works!
Hazard! Family members that think they are helping can make temper tantrums worse. Do you have a very sensitive older kid or a well meaning mother in law that is around a lot? Sometimes, other family members hate to see a child in distress and give in to what they want to help get them to stop screaming. It is not intended to undermine your authority but unfortunately, littles are smart and when they get what they want from others, they can double down with effort to see if you will cave. Do your best to explain to family why you are doing what you are doing.
Not going to make it? I had two things that I had to do to help me stay calm and stick to my plan when I was losing my calm. The first was the mommy time out. If I was starting to lose it I would calmly say to my child that mommy will be back but she needs a quick time out. I could then go to another room to collect myself. They might cry harder when you leave but if they are safe, it is better to leave them then to lose your temper and have your own tantrum. The second trick was music and headphones. Ten minutes of a temper tantrum can feel like forever. When Jack would scream and yell until he got it out, sometimes I would start to go crazy about 15 minutes in. If I really could not handle it, I would put on my headphones and listen to music to give my mind a break. I always made sure I could see what was happening for safety but atleast I could regroup my thoughts.
Some kids have a handful of temper tantrums and some have several each day. Regardless of frequency, they really suck. This is why I started to drink wine. As the child was writhing on the floor and doing their best to upset you, I got through by thinking of wine time. When the kids went to bed, I was rewarded with a glass of wine. Literally, this thought got me through many a day. You might not like alcohol so treat yourself to a bath, or a piece of chocolate or some chips. When toddlers get tough, it is important to have something to look forward to and to reward yourself for surviving the day. After all, you deserve it!
What did you do to survive your temper tantrums? I would love to hear in comments or in a message! Lets help each other out!
