The world went a little crazy during the COVID pandemic beginning in 2020. Suddenly, the world shut down, everyone was home together, and we had to all mask up! All the kids were home from school and stress was high. My older children struggled with social isolation from missing school and the end of their activities. At home learning was a real pain for students, teachers and parents alike. However, when I look back now at the implications of that time, the pandemic toddler is where I can see some fairly big effects. My pandemic toddler was my 2 year old Ravyn.

When my older kids were toddlers, we did an activity every day. There were activities like indoor gyms, outdoor playgrounds, skating, tobogganing, biking, play dates and swimming. By the time Jack was in school, I had Kaede in the gym daycare while I worked out as well. My older kids were also at home with me when they were little but there were many opportunities to not only socially interact with other children but to explore the world, grow their minds and grow their bodies.

Since my other 4 children are 9 years or more older then the youngest, Ravyn does not have kids her age to play with within the home. Even when the older kids are home from school, they are interested in doing other activities. We had ravyn registered in gymnastics and music before the pandemic to interact with other kids her age as well as to help with her development. Unfortunately, all of a sudden, she was not only home and isolated, but she was dealing with the stress of the household.

Social skills

Ravyn is a huge blessing. She has brought joy into all of our lives. During the pandemic, her silly and happy nature was so healing for the rest of the family. Unfortunately, 5 people hanging on her every word and playing with her did not help her development.

When my son was 3 years old, we would go to the park, and he would follow other kids around and stare at them. He had to learn how to greet other children and invite them to play with him. Thank goodness this stage did not last too long because it was terribly awkward and hard to watch as a parent. The pandemic toddler did not get the opportunity to creepily stare at other children as the parks were closed.

The highlight of the week was the grocery store for Ravyn. The poor thing was protected and did not leave the house. Still, to this day, 2 years later, going to the grocery store is really fun for her. She would rather go to the store then play with her toys. There was no creepy staring boy at the playground. Instead, Ravyn got to see cashiers with masks and mom trying to open the produce bag without licking her finger. That could take a really long time.

The skills required to get your older sister to give you a snack or convince your mom you can stay up late are very different to the social skills needed to hang out with other toddlers and preschoolers. Ravyn did not learn these skills when she was 2-3. Towards the end of the summer, parks were reopened where we lived but we were scared to do too much inside. Her classes did not resume. Ravyn turned 3 that winter which she spent in the  Edmonton area, isolating in the freezing cold.

As spring opened up in 2021, we could go to parks and outdoor activities. Mask rules were still in effect and groups indoors were still regulated. Ravyn began to see other children her age again but was delayed in how to greet them, play with them, take turns and other social rules. Even something as simple as how close to stand to another child was not yet learned. Often Ravyn interacted with the adult at the park or activity as she was used to bigger people interactions. It became my mission to socialize her as much as possible while still being safe.

Many kids have other siblings at home. During the pandemic, these kids had to share, take turns and play with their siblings. However, you interact with your sibling different then a friend. You would not reach down and take a bite of your friend’s sandwich, but you might eat your little brothers…the social rules are different. The pandemic toddler and preschooler in daycare also continued to learn these social skills that kids not in daycare did not learn.

What kind of social cues do you learn just from people’s faces? When you used to greet someone in a mask, did you still smile? Did you try to smile with your eyes while wearing a mask? I wonder if some of these non-verbal social skills were also lost on the pandemic toddlers if they only saw people outside of their family unit wearing masks.

Gross motor development

During the colder months, the pandemic toddler and preschooler missed the indoor play gyms, swimming pools and mom /tot gym time. Growing that center of balance, learning how to jump, climb, throw a ball and run are all important parts of gross motor development. Much to my husband’s dismay, Ravyn made places to jump off with stools and chairs, which hubby found dangerous. During the first spring, I even put the outdoor plastic slide in my living room so she could learn to climb a ladder.

By the time we were back at the outdoor parks, Ravyn was scared of going too high or more worried about the other kids at the park because she did not know how to initiate contact. Ravyn was too nervous to try to climb.  Luckily, we could spend time in the back yard throwing balls and we went for walks so she could run. This year, I let her ride her scooter in the house to develop more core strength. Ravyn’s gross motor skills are delayed even with my little interventions.

Stress

The change of the spring of 2020 hit every family. It did not matter if you were seniors at home worrying that you were high risk, or 2 single people now home all the time together. The giant changes and worry about the future effected every family. Kids were terribly upset about at home learning. Finding the technology to have kids use video for classes, making sure they were paying attention, that they had their video on and not seeing their friends sucked. Lots of kids fell way behind class average on this platform. One of my kids said the “not knowing” was the most stressful part of the pandemic as school was online, then in person then online so she kept worrying it would change. Learning to wear masks all day also was difficult for many kids and adults.

Some families suffered financial stress. Many parents were out of work or even lost their jobs. Large families were at home, stuck together and upset. Each family handled this differently between baking, eating, binging Netflix or starting a family band. Our little ones absorbed this stress. Younger children can show stress with emotional outbursts, anxiety, separation issues, changes is sleeping, nightmares or even physical pain. Long term stress can also affect brain development.

Some kids are more sensitive to the moods of people around them as well. I wonder if this stress will be studied as this group of children grow older. The mothers that were pregnant during the pandemic also had extra stress.  I feel like I would have been very nervous pregnant during the pandemic and that might not have been good for the child I would have been carrying.

Mom Guilt

I can not speak for all moms, but with everything that was happening in my home over the pandemic and since, Ravyn watched more tv then my other kids were ever allowed to. Ravyn got used to the kids being home and then she was the only child at home again after being used to having so many people around. Ravyn got to watch some shows so that I could help the kids in school, work, cook and clean. I have some bad mom guilt over this. What’s done is done and so I have to get over it. Why is mom guilt so hard to let go of?

What now?

This past school year, we registered Ravyn at 3 years old, in a preschool. We were very lucky in that we could afford preschool. Traditionally in my family, I wait until the kids are 4 years old to attend a regular school. At 3 years old, I put the kids in some unparented programs here and there based on their interests. However, due to Ravyn’s complete social isolation, we decided that she needed to attend regularly. Ravyn was also ready and wanting to go to school. However, preschool might not be affordable to all families.

Once activities opened up again, Ravyn and I have been doing as much as we can outside of the home. I had to make time for bike riding, the park, playdates with other kids, events in the community and so on. Swimming lessons  were cancelled for such a long time that I forgot to start Ravyn in them this year. We have lots to catch up on and my family had to make it a priority.

I have noticed lots of ways my older kids have been affected by the pandemic as well. My sporty kid learned to play Minecraft and now does not want to do team sports anymore. One of my kids fell behind with online learning and will have to catch up. For 2 years, the grade 12’s and their families did not get to have their big graduation ceremony that they deserved. Every age group has been affected by the pandemic as well as the toddlers.

The bright side

There are lots of positive changes that have been made because of the pandemic. I feel that many children and adults had to learn that they can not control everything. We all had to learn how to better cope with change. This time also taught me that  I enjoyed not driving kids to all their activities every night. Now, our family is not over scheduled and we like it that way.   I also went from a big social extravert to someone who enjoys being by herself. It will be interesting to look back in 10 years to see how the pandemic might have changed how we do things.

How did your family manage during the pandemic? What did your children find the most challenging? I would love to hear from you!

Click here to learn a little more about me.

It’s been a long time since I have posted. Life got busy as we navigated a pandemic and all its changes. With a band of kids that were suddenly home all the time, to changes in the economy and some family changes, my blogging time got set aside. So what is new with me? Our big family move!

Last spring

Last year,  the Figley family moved to the Vernon, BC. My husband suddenly found himself without a job and so we moved where the work was. Many people dream of moving to the Okanagan, and now that I am here, I can see why. However, at the time, this was not my dream. I had been living in the Edmonton area for 22 years. My friends had become family and my children were happy in their schools and lives. Digging through 7 people’s things to prepare a house to be sold, driving back and forth 9 hours to look at houses and preparing to say goodbye was hard for everyone. Emotions ran high.

Josh moved ahead of us to start his new job while I packed, listed the house and got ready for the family move. Now the housing market where we were moving was hot. We were bidding on houses that were on the market a couple days. There could be 10 people bidding and the owners would pick the best bid, usually well over asking price

or cash. That is a tricky situation. After losing the bid on several houses, we stopped travelling to BC to look at houses. We simply bid on any house our amazing realtor could show us on a video, that could fit our family with some renovations and was in safe area. I also wanted a closet for a vacuum. These were our qualifications (the vacuum cupboard is another story).

Our house sold, thank goodness, but we kept bidding and losing on a new house.  We were bidding on houses we had never seen. I would get excited each time but we kept losing the bids. Finally, we had the winning bid on a house that had almost no work in 45 years. We had to make a 4^th bedroom to make our family fit but it would work. However, the timing would been that we were temporarily homeless as our house closed on August 15 but we did not move in until October 15…. yikes.

My family in Ontario let me have a nice summer visit while I tried to find something in BC for the kids to start their new schools. I found an Air BNB which very nicely took all of us and the pets until we could move the family to the new house. There were 6 people, 4 pets in a 2 bedroom without a full kitchen. It was a stunning place to stay on vacation and I highly recommend it but very tricky for 6 weeks with our numbers. We looked forward to moving into our new home that we paid well over asking price for AND HAD NEVER SEEN. My husband made it to the home inspection, but I had never seen the inside of the house.

We make it to the Okanagan

We make it to the Okanagan in a broken mini van, with 4 kids, 2 bearded dragons and 2 cats. That is a whole other story but I can tell you a large amount of wine when we arrived was needed.  Immediately, all of the family were grateful for breathtaking views of the area, the beautiful weather and kind people in our new stomping ground. We moved to a smaller town then the suburb of Edmonton from where we were before. Its very interesting how we moved 9 hours away, but it seemed like a different world. The culture of the area and the size of town was an adjustment. There is no Costco here… we have to travel to get to Costco! I do love being able to drive anywhere in town in about 10 minutes.

I was very pleased to see all the kids handle the move with maturity and grace. The older kids are in the same school as high school is grade 8-12 here. In Alberta, middle school is grade 7-9.  It was not easy on them, especially my son in grade 12 as that is a terrible year to move. There is a pasture of cows, on a steep hill across from the high school which  is again new to the city kids.  I think the cows, the deer or quail on our lawn was the most surprising part.

After a few weeks, the girls had settled in quite well. Ravyn had started preschool and we were too busy again to realize we had left our lives behind. The move was good for the 2 teen girls. As Kaede says, “even the mean girls here are nice compared to back home”. I feel blessed that they found the new school welcoming.. There are lots of good parts to moving to a smaller town.

The renovations

Remember I said that we moved into a fixer upper? The house did not have a dishwasher or any recent painting. The original orange curtains from 1976 and original indoor/outdoor carpet was in the basement. The group favorite was

the pink bathroom fixtures but we all agreed the kitchen had to go. Josh and I got to work. I am very lucky to have such a handy husband. With some great products from the Restore, Josh renovated the kitchen, replaced the basement flooring, added a room in the basement, and built a workshop. He is amazing! I went to work on unpacking, organizing, painting the whole house and all the little things that needed to be done.  This house looks completely different and we love it.

Adjusting to the move

As the school year ends for us, I can reflect to see how we have all grown through the family move. Throwing yourself out there to meet new people, not letting your confidence get in the way and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to explore new things are all challenging tasks.  We all started looking for our new tribe.  I moved a lot when I was younger so I had an idea of how it would go. It was just not something I was looking forward to. However, after being isolated during the pandemic, we all got used to being somewhat away from other people.

It takes time to build those lasting relationships. The kids really valued their friendships from last year. Thank goodness for technology as they were all on group calls with video games or chats….there are so many ways to call and chat for these kids now. At first, I don’t think the kids were interested in meeting new friends since the old ones were so available after school. It is a bit easier for the kids in school to meet people then it is for mom or dad. There have been bumps, adjustments and challenges but I am happy to see our social lives increasing.

I can’t say that it was an easy year, but we survived and are all together. I had the support of my family and friends to help us over some tricky issues. We had some awful things happens such as vehicles breaking on the way to the airport, trailers stuck  on the side of the road and mortgages almost falling through. We have a home, which in this area is not a given. I am grateful to have so many possibilities for the future.

This area is know for it being WINE COUNTRY! I found an old kayak, there are beautiful lakes, beaches, orchards and camping. I am excited to see what new opportunities await us here in the Okanagan.

Thanks for taking the time to read. Click here to learn a bit more about me!

Ever since I was a teenager, I knew I wanted to be at home with my kids when they were little. After reading about child development and how critical first 5 years of a child’s life were for child development, I knew I was going to be at home with them. With my first 2 kids I did just that. I took care of my home, the kids, my ex husband and honestly loved every minute of it. I was really happy, but I was lucky.

Not everyone finds it fulfilling or desires to stay at home. The cost of day care is so high that many families can not afford for one person to go back to work after they have 2 or more children as daycare would cost more then the income that person would bring in. Regardless if you are loving it or feeling stuck, there are some issues that affect the self esteem of stay at home moms. I want to discuss this today in hopes it will help even one dad understand how his wife feels or help a mom feel better about herself.

Stay at home moms and self esteem: The issues

I have prepared a list of possible issues. Not every mom feels this way and I am not presuming to speak for all moms. This is just a list of issues that I have seen dealt with by fellow stay at home moms. Another mom might find 1, 5 or none of these issues affecting them while another might feel all the issues concern her.

Loss of identity: The first thing people often ask in an introduction is “what do you do?” Most women are in the work force before they have their first child. I used to happily tell people I was a Rehabilitation Instructor for people who were blind and visually impaired. I went to 2 different post graduate institutions to achieve this title and I was very proud of it. I was also proud of what I accomplished and contributed to the community within my chosen profession. When you are a stay at home (SAHM), announcing this to strangers did not make me feel good. Yes, I personally felt being a SAHM was important and had great value but in that situation, it did not feel that important or valued. I found myself saying, I am at home with the kids now, but I used to be a…… Really? What did it matter? To me, it was part of my identity. Who are you? I am “just a mom” ended up being what I said. I regret that. I feel like women should make proud announcements. I am the CEO of my own company. I am the proud mom of 4 children, or I am part of an International Collective of Woman working to improve the world. Say anything, just own it and be proud because what you are doing is important.

Condescension: This follows my first point. There are a group of people that do not hold being a SAHM as important as I do. This is very clearly communicated when being introduced to some people. When asked what do you do, if you answer “teacher”, the new person might follow up with “where or what grade”? How do you like it?” If you answer SAHM, some people look down and away, say oh or even change the subject. I can tell you that does not make you feel proud of your job. There are a group of working people that think being a SAHM is a lazy, easy job and we can easily feel less proud in that moment if that sentiment is expressed.

Guilt: Often times, there is the feeling of guilt with not working. I think it stems from the first 2 issues on my list. Many stay at home moms have to keep a tight budget as their husband is supporting their family on one income. When times are tough and your bank account is empty, SAHM’s often feel guilty that they are not contributing to the bank account. If there is only a bit of money, often we spend it on clothes for the kids or soccer. There is not a big budget for new shoes, new haircuts and fashionable clothes so we feel guilty if we buy an extras.

No feeling of accomplishment/recognition: Unfortunately, after cleaning the entire house, by the time I get back to the first room I cleaned, it’s a mess again. Children are like tornadoes. After cleaning for 4 hours, I do not look around and think “wow, look at what a good job I did”! I do not get a feeling of accomplishment when I teach my child to use their manners or use a fork. When other  parents complete a project at work or get a promotion, this helps their self esteem and makes them feel worthy and proud. Unfortunately, my husband does not send out an email telling everyone how well I folded the laundry the other day. This is made worse when things do not go well like your house being clean for only one second and nobody really noticing or caring. Now I am not saying I want a plaque for being the Best Coupon Clipper but what I am saying is there is no form of recognition for being a SAHM, no fancy job title, no bonuses, raises or promotions to help our self esteem.

Appearance:  So, you are going to music class in your old clothes that do not fit, in an old dye job, in a messy bun with no makeup on because really, why put on makeup for one hour in public? Then there is the baby weight, stretch marks and wrinkles. What did my baby do to my body? Not feeling put together or attractive does not help the self esteem either. Especially with the women in movies and magazines so skinny and put together all the time. I put on clean pants every morning but by 9:00 am, there is diaper cream, bananas and some other foreign substance on them. I never change…

Your own: When you are at home with young children, you can not even pee alone. You share your office (your home), usually even your bedroom. You really do not have anything that is just yours. Even your kids belong 50% to another person in most cases. Not having a career, a project, an award that is just your own can also affect your self esteem.

Judgments: So now our self esteem is low, we start fearing judgment on our performance as moms. The first thing judgement starts with if you are breast feeding or bottle-feeding.  Mamas often feel that people do not think bottle feeding is good enough. We fear other people are judging our parenting, our choices and our kids. Often, it is just our imagination but sometimes we worry about it all the same. We can also compare ourselves to the very pretty, skinny mom that looks like they have it all together.

Ways stay at home moms can improve their self esteem

1. Spend some money on your hair or a nice outfit if you can. If you feel more confident, you will feel better about yourself. We tend to feel all wonky after a baby. Make a goal to put on mascara or earrings, something to make you feel good even if you are just going to yoga.
2. Go out with your partner for a date night (or with a friend if you are single). The intimacy you share on a date will make you feel desirable and closer to your partner which will help your self esteem. It will also help your relationship
3. Have a positive mindset. Choose not to feel guilty about staying home to raise your kids. Choose not to care about other’s judgement or opinions. You are doing something amazing, so you need to be proud of it.
4. Do something just for you, that is “your own”. Take up curling, a fitness class, take a crocheting class, join a book club or volunteer.  You might even try writing a blog! This will give you time to be yourself, not someone’s mom. You will get to be with other adults and not talk about kids. You will have something to be proud of and a sense of accomplishment for doing it.

This is why I originally signed up for my first side gig or business. I started something that was just mine and the little bit of money I made back then made me feel like I had accomplished something. The extra money allowed me to get my hair done and buy some new clothes. When working, I got to meet new people and get out of the house.

Whatever you choose, find something that works for you and your family, something that brings you joy and something that improves your self esteem. I wish you all luck on this journey!

What do you do to feel better, to improve your self esteem or make you feel more like you?

Teenagers throughout the world have disappeared! They have been replaced by moody zombies that just want to disappear into whatever room their Xbox or Playstation is installed. Mindcraft and Fortnite have high jacked our teens. For the purposes of this blog, I will be discussing violent video games. I would also like to recognize that some teens play video games here and there but do not spend a great deal of time. I am going to discuss the group of kids that LOVE to play video games and would do so all day and night if they could.

Now most teenagers do not want to hang out with their parents, I get that. I did not have dreams of my son and I skipping in the park or playing board games. However, I have watched my boys try to skip meals because they would rather keep playing. Some people are calling it an addiction, some people are saying it is normal teenage antics and some people are even saying it makes kids smarter! There is a lot of information out there and it is hard to sift through.

There are many people with PhD’s doing studies but that does not help me speak to my son who does not understand why we are concerned about his gaming. They do not help me deal with the anger of a pubescent boy who has had the only thing he cares about taken away. Then you have a kid that has nothing to do but watch TV because all his friends are online. The kids all play together and talk to each other on their headphone microphones. The social structure for these kids has completely changed to playing online with friends. Kids do not meet to hang out like they did when I was young.

Video games and kids: The Cons

Being attached to a video screen as much as a parent will allow seems really dreary and boring to us. I look back on my teen years with such fond memories of tandem biking with my friend, drinking slurpees and roller blading, binge watching rented movies, sleepovers and even talking on the phone for hours. Sitting in one spot does not interest me at all but it does our kids.

The violence in many video games is the biggest concern. Will our kids be less sensitive to violence in real life because they are participating in violence online every day? Will the violence they watch create more aggressive reactions to life? Does wanting to shoot and kill things constantly effect their brain development, their expectations and goals?

If kids are in their own rooms, playing video games as much as they can, then they are not choosing to study or participate in sports or social events. Now many kids have full expectations of studying or watching a movie with their sibling, but the problem is when it comes down to it, if given a choice, many kids choose to keep playing. Once they start, they do not want to stop. I know many kids that have stopped playing organized sports because they would rather play video games. The complaint is that video games are creating kids with failing grades and failing health. Kids are not meeting to play road hockey or ride their bikes and get the exercise they need to be healthy. They are no longer playing soccer or hockey and required studying or possibly even doing their homework.

All of the above upsets me but the behavior I witness with my son is the worst. When these kids get together online there is a group behavior of yelling at each other through the microphone. There is swearing, yelling and very poor behavior. It concerns me that this whole group of children thinks it is appropriate to treat each other this way. It also concerns me that my other children are hearing this behavior because the yelling is so loud. Lastly, I just plain get annoyed by hearing it. Hanging out with friends, learning what to say and what not to say are important for social skills. Listening to 8-year old’s talk at the park can make you cringe as they can be really awkward. You learn social skills by being social in social situations and this group of kids is not doing that as the conversation is just about the game.

Research is beginning to show that video games are addictive. Many parents believe this after taking video games away from their child. I have seen colossal melt downs that rival a scene in the Exorcist. A family doctor told me that the more extreme the reaction to video games being taken away, the more that child might have a problem with addiction. It is theorized that video games give kids a rush like people get when they gamble or do drugs. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain, which is primarily associated with feelings of pleasure, motivation and can affect mood. Some doctors/researchers believe that dopamine levels can change so much that the children become addicted like they would be to the rush of drugs or gambling. The only answer to addiction is to take it away. An alcoholic gives up alcohol, a gambler gives up gambling and a drug user will give up narcotics to conquer their addiction.

Video games and kids: The Pros

There are a group of people who disagree that video games are addictive and actually argue that they might teach kids valuable skills. No one can argue that kids learn hand-eye coordination, fine motor skills and spatial skills playing video games. Gamers reaction times are quick, and they are multitasking while playing. Some argue that kids are learning concentration skills and improving memory through playing.

When playing Fortnite, kids learn directions such as North and South. Kids need to map where their opposition is and where they have been. In order to stay alive in Fortnite, kids need to learn problem solving, planning and logic. For example, a kid might have to keep himself alive and plan an attack against 4 other people without killing his buddy. When there is a large fight, gamers have to choose if they engage in the fight to get “kills” and “loot” or not to engage because there is a high probability that you would be eliminated, be put in a bad position or get trapped and eliminated. Although I hope my son does not need to make a decision about life or death, I can appreciate that he is learning problem solving skills.

Although there is the argument that video games are not helping kids with social skills, some say the opposite. Some argue that because many games are played on teams, kids (and adults) have to work together to complete the game. This allows some kids to have a group of friends to play with that they might not have at school. This engagement might give them feelings of belonging to a social group or confidence that they can’t get in other situations. It might even make kids more tolerant of different types of people.

I asked my son Jack what he thinks the advantages of video gaming are. The first thing he said was it was very social. Jack said that because you play Fortnite in groups, you need to learn to get along with a variety of people including “angry people”. Within these groups, you need to use teamwork to get the job done and you need to strategize and learn how to handle situations with difficult people.  Jack also feels like he has some positive role models within the streaming world. Well known and profitable streaming gamers encourage young kids to believe in themselves and to follow a path where they do something they love. Jack says that some of his mentors donate a considerable amount of their earnings to charity and like to help younger people achieve their dreams. His last point will be controversial. Jack believes that playing Fortnite helps him let go of negative emotions such as anger and frustration. He says it helps him release negative feelings. He sees this as “very therapeutic”. It could be argued that he can only deal with emotions by distracting himself in the game or making oneself numb.

I asked myself what I think might be an advantage of gaming and the first thing I thought of was learning tech skills. Jack has learned a great deal about technology since he started playing online. I can also appreciate that if he is in his room playing his games that he is not out drinking or getting into trouble. Some of the craziest teen moments I have every heard about happened when teens got bored. To be honest, Jack is so loud when he is playing, I can tell when he is in my house and safe.

There is also a rebuttal to the video games and addiction situation. In the book Moral Combat: Why the War on Violent Video Games Is Wrong by Patrick Markey and Christopher Ferguson, it is argued that video gaming changes dopamine levels in the brain to about the same degree that eating a slice of pepperoni pizza or dish of ice cream does (without the calories).  All things pleasurable raise dopamine levels, they say video games raise dopamine levels to roughly double it’s normal resting level, whereas drugs like heroin, cocaine, or amphetamine raise dopamine by roughly ten times that much.

Video Games and kids: The Third View

In all major changes in history, there has been a group of people opposed. Let’s face it, change is not always appreciated and is openly fought. I went to a lecture where the speaker once compared video games to the Beatles. The speaker said that the parents of the kids in love with the Beatles felt like they were devil music. Parents thought that the Beatles were corrupting their children. Parents worried about their long hair and their moral values. Elvis Presley shook his hips and also caused an uproar. There were groups of people against women voting or wearing pants. Could this be the next big change for teens? Are parents over-reacting to video gaming? If we push against it, will it make kids want to play even more? This is an interesting viewpoint. I have thought about this a lot,

Video Games and Kids: What can we do?

So now that we have discussed the pros and cons of gaming, what do we do? I feel a little lost. For years, we have changed the Wi-Fi code at the kid’s bedtime each evening. This would prevent them from using the internet when they were supposed to be sleeping and allowed us to take it away from a child that had made a mistake and needed a consequence. When the kids had done their homework, done their chores and we felt they were in their screen time limits, we could give them the days password. Our rule of thumb was 2 hours a day of any technology if time allowed. Many parents have house rules, when screen time is allowed and not allowed and when it can be taken away. It seems like the responsible way to keep our kids from becoming addicted. The down side of this is kids do not learn how to prioritize their homework, how to manage their own time or to make good choices as we are doing it for them.

I feel like video games and kids are going to be an issue for a very long time and the debate will continue for many years. What does your family do with gaming time? I would love to hear your opinions and solutions.

Your beautiful, sweet snuggly baby turns one years old and everything seems amazing. Suddenly one day, the unimaginable happens, a noise you have never heard before erupts from you sweet baby’s mouth. There might be throwing, hitting or even more horrible noises. The first temper tantrum has arrived. Here are some tips on dealing with temper tantrums.

The temper tantrum has many forms. There is the shrieking because they want something. There is the full throw yourself to the ground and scream and there is the sheer anger meltdown which often involves hitting or throwing. I had one kid that would vomit. I feel like there is an endless variety of the temper tantrums to delight you through out your parenting experience. I also find we block these out like the pain of childbirth. Why would a mom want another baby if she remembered the pain of childbirth or the agony of temper tantrums? Our mind buries these experiences while the baby crazy brain takes over.

Temper Tantrums: What can you do?

The first thing that I have learned with my experiences is how to avoid temper tantrums. Always keeping your kids from getting over tired is impossible but you can try your best to avoid missing naps. I also have kids that get “hangry” so making sure you have nutritious snacks to fuel their little bodies when you are not at home is really important. Jack is 14 now and so I do not carry around snacks for him but he looked in my purse the other day and exclaimed “Mom, the good snacks! You have your purse full of snacks again! I remember that”. Purse snacks and car snacks were my life for about 8 years. I have loaded up the giant purse once again. Keeping triggers away is also helpful. If you know your little is going to want your older child’s sucker he got at preschool, then have him eat it at nap time or in another room. Put things away that they are not allowed to touch and so on.

No matter what you do, a temper tantrum will happen. When it does, it is best to have a plan. Plans always make me feel better.  This is where you have to put your big girl panties on and take a deep breath. Your job is to be calm, to be in control and to make sure your little is safe. Do not give in! Even when you are in a restaurant and don’t want to make a scene, don’t give in. They figure this out and will rule your world. If you need to remove the child from the public space, that is fine but you need to stay strong. This is where I went wrong, if my child pointed and shrieked for something in public, I would I give in to not disturb others. I regret this.

Once the temper tantrum begins you have to follow your plan. Now with my first one, he had to let his emotions out. He needed to scream and yell to feel better. It was best to just walk away and come back. With my daughter, distraction was the best way. If I walked away she would vomit and them I had to clean it up. It was a lot easier to find a snack, a favourite game to distract her or even move to another room. Distraction did not work with my son. You need to find what works for your little and then be consistent.

Then there is the exit strategy! If you are lucky, your little will start their tantrum and then at some point realize it is not working, stop and just move on. As I mentioned before, my daughter would scream until she threw up. That was her exit strategy, then she would stop yelling. My son had some pride issues! In the midst of his tantrum, which could last about 45 minutes sometimes, he would not know how to just stop and move on. Did he think that the transition would make him look less committed to his tantrum? I have no idea. He was stubborn enough not to give in. My plan, was to wait until his emotions seemed to be less intense and them go hold him. He would not stop until I wrapped him up in a forced hug. Don’t you wish each child came with instructions? You have to play around to see what works with each child. I have a friend who starts to laugh at her little and eventually she will stop yelling and laugh too. Whatever works!

Hazard! Family members that think they are helping can make temper tantrums worse. Do you have a very sensitive older kid or a well meaning mother in law that is around a lot? Sometimes, other family members hate to see a child in distress and give in to what they want to help get them to stop screaming. It is not intended to undermine your authority but unfortunately, littles are smart and when they get what they want from others, they can double down with effort to see if you will cave. Do your best to explain to family why you are doing what you are doing.

Not going to make it? I had two things that I had to do to help me stay calm and stick to my plan when I was losing my calm. The first was the mommy time out. If I was starting to lose it I would calmly say to my child that mommy will be back but she needs a quick time out. I could then go to another room to collect myself. They might cry harder when you leave but if they are safe, it is better to leave them then to lose your temper and have your own tantrum. The second trick was music and headphones. Ten minutes of a temper tantrum can feel like forever. When Jack would scream and yell until he got it out, sometimes I would start to go crazy about 15 minutes in. If I really could not handle it, I would put on my headphones and listen to music to give my mind a break. I always made sure I could see what was happening for safety but atleast I could regroup my thoughts.

Some kids have a handful of temper tantrums and some have several each day. Regardless of frequency, they really suck. This is why I started to drink wine. As the child was writhing on the floor and doing their best to upset you, I got through by thinking of wine time. When the kids went to bed, I was rewarded with a glass of wine. Literally, this thought got me through many a day. You might not like alcohol so treat yourself to a bath, or a piece of chocolate or some chips. When toddlers get tough, it is important to have something to look forward to and to reward yourself for surviving the day. After all, you deserve it!

What did you do to survive your temper tantrums? I would love to hear in comments or in a message! Lets help each other out!

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be at home with my kids when they were little. Many of my friends were more career oriented but this has always been my dream. I love the first few years of a child’s life. Children learn so much in this time and it is important to me to be a part of it. Toddlers and young children find so much joy in the little things they experience, it is truly refreshing. I also really like baking, crafts, the park and all the assorted baby and toddler activities.  I am a bit of a nerd that way.

After my divorce, I had to go return to work to support myself and my kids. My youngest Kaede, was 4 so I was comfortable that we had had 4 whole years together and I had 7 years with my son Jack. I was very fortunate to find the best job I ever had, other then being a mom. I really enjoyed my 7 years at his job but time flew by. Soon, I had remarried and had another baby. This time, we already had a large blended family to support so staying at home was not as easy financially. However, right from Ravyn’s birth, I felt this strong need to be home with her. She really is a joy. Luckily, I was already working with a great company which allows me to continue to be a stay at home mom and make money. 

I work with a great team of people that really help each other. One of my mentors is a real help and inspiration to me. Alison has worked hard to make her family a priority while being extremely successful and is always around to help others do the same. Lots of people ask me if I can really make enough money to support a family working from home!  Alison clearly demonstrates this PLUS more!

Stay at Home Mom And Making Money: Meet Alison

Alison spent the first 15 years of her career busting her ass. At her practice as an OBGyn, she put in 80-100 hours a week and spent many long nights at the hospital. This meant she had to have 2 nannies working more then full time with her 18 month old. Alison told me she felt lots of stress wanting to be home with her son and also with her mom who was ill. The opportunity came along!

Fast forward 5 years to today and Alison is living a life she chooses. She loves being an OBGyn so she chooses to work 2 shifts a month. Her days are spent working from home and spending time with her two kids aged 2 and 6, family and friends. This is true time freedom. Alison has remodeled her beautiful home, paid for private school for her son, is driving a luxury car that is paid by the company AND is getting ready for her second all expense paid vacation. Most importantly, she is having fun.

Congratulations Alison and family. You are a true success story.

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