The world went a little crazy during the COVID pandemic beginning in 2020. Suddenly, the world shut down, everyone was home together, and we had to all mask up! All the kids were home from school and stress was high. My older children struggled with social isolation from missing school and the end of their activities. At home learning was a real pain for students, teachers and parents alike. However, when I look back now at the implications of that time, the pandemic toddler is where I can see some fairly big effects. My pandemic toddler was my 2 year old Ravyn.
When my older kids were toddlers, we did an activity every day. There were activities like indoor gyms, outdoor playgrounds, skating, tobogganing, biking, play dates and swimming. By the time Jack was in school, I had Kaede in the gym daycare while I worked out as well. My older kids were also at home with me when they were little but there were many opportunities to not only socially interact with other children but to explore the world, grow their minds and grow their bodies.
Since my other 4 children are 9 years or more older then the youngest, Ravyn does not have kids her age to play with within the home. Even when the older kids are home from school, they are interested in doing other activities. We had ravyn registered in gymnastics and music before the pandemic to interact with other kids her age as well as to help with her development. Unfortunately, all of a sudden, she was not only home and isolated, but she was dealing with the stress of the household.
Social skills
Ravyn is a huge blessing. She has brought joy into all of our lives. During the pandemic, her silly and happy nature was so healing for the rest of the family. Unfortunately, 5 people hanging on her every word and playing with her did not help her development.
When my son was 3 years old, we would go to the park, and he would follow other kids around and stare at them. He had to learn how to greet other children and invite them to play with him. Thank goodness this stage did not last too long because it was terribly awkward and hard to watch as a parent. The pandemic toddler did not get the opportunity to creepily stare at other children as the parks were closed.
The highlight of the week was the grocery store for Ravyn. The poor thing was protected and did not leave the house. Still, to this day, 2 years later, going to the grocery store is really fun for her. She would rather go to the store then play with her toys. There was no creepy staring boy at the playground. Instead, Ravyn got to see cashiers with masks and mom trying to open the produce bag without licking her finger. That could take a really long time.
The skills required to get your older sister to give you a snack or convince your mom you can stay up late are very different to the social skills needed to hang out with other toddlers and preschoolers. Ravyn did not learn these skills when she was 2-3. Towards the end of the summer, parks were reopened where we lived but we were scared to do too much inside. Her classes did not resume. Ravyn turned 3 that winter which she spent in the Edmonton area, isolating in the freezing cold.
As spring opened up in 2021, we could go to parks and outdoor activities. Mask rules were still in effect and groups indoors were still regulated. Ravyn began to see other children her age again but was delayed in how to greet them, play with them, take turns and other social rules. Even something as simple as how close to stand to another child was not yet learned. Often Ravyn interacted with the adult at the park or activity as she was used to bigger people interactions. It became my mission to socialize her as much as possible while still being safe.
Many kids have other siblings at home. During the pandemic, these kids had to share, take turns and play with their siblings. However, you interact with your sibling different then a friend. You would not reach down and take a bite of your friend’s sandwich, but you might eat your little brothers…the social rules are different. The pandemic toddler and preschooler in daycare also continued to learn these social skills that kids not in daycare did not learn.
What kind of social cues do you learn just from people’s faces? When you used to greet someone in a mask, did you still smile? Did you try to smile with your eyes while wearing a mask? I wonder if some of these non-verbal social skills were also lost on the pandemic toddlers if they only saw people outside of their family unit wearing masks.
Gross motor development
During the colder months, the pandemic toddler and preschooler missed the indoor play gyms, swimming pools and mom /tot gym time. Growing that center of balance, learning how to jump, climb, throw a ball and run are all important parts of gross motor development. Much to my husband’s dismay, Ravyn made places to jump off with stools and chairs, which hubby found dangerous. During the first spring, I even put the outdoor plastic slide in my living room so she could learn to climb a ladder.
By the time we were back at the outdoor parks, Ravyn was scared of going too high or more worried about the other kids at the park because she did not know how to initiate contact. Ravyn was too nervous to try to climb. Luckily, we could spend time in the back yard throwing balls and we went for walks so she could run. This year, I let her ride her scooter in the house to develop more core strength. Ravyn’s gross motor skills are delayed even with my little interventions.
Stress
The change of the spring of 2020 hit every family. It did not matter if you were seniors at home worrying that you were high risk, or 2 single people now home all the time together. The giant changes and worry about the future effected every family. Kids were terribly upset about at home learning. Finding the technology to have kids use video for classes, making sure they were paying attention, that they had their video on and not seeing their friends sucked. Lots of kids fell way behind class average on this platform. One of my kids said the “not knowing” was the most stressful part of the pandemic as school was online, then in person then online so she kept worrying it would change. Learning to wear masks all day also was difficult for many kids and adults.
Some families suffered financial stress. Many parents were out of work or even lost their jobs. Large families were at home, stuck together and upset. Each family handled this differently between baking, eating, binging Netflix or starting a family band. Our little ones absorbed this stress. Younger children can show stress with emotional outbursts, anxiety, separation issues, changes is sleeping, nightmares or even physical pain. Long term stress can also affect brain development.
Some kids are more sensitive to the moods of people around them as well. I wonder if this stress will be studied as this group of children grow older. The mothers that were pregnant during the pandemic also had extra stress. I feel like I would have been very nervous pregnant during the pandemic and that might not have been good for the child I would have been carrying.
Mom Guilt
I can not speak for all moms, but with everything that was happening in my home over the pandemic and since, Ravyn watched more tv then my other kids were ever allowed to. Ravyn got used to the kids being home and then she was the only child at home again after being used to having so many people around. Ravyn got to watch some shows so that I could help the kids in school, work, cook and clean. I have some bad mom guilt over this. What’s done is done and so I have to get over it. Why is mom guilt so hard to let go of?
What now?
This past school year, we registered Ravyn at 3 years old, in a preschool. We were very lucky in that we could afford preschool. Traditionally in my family, I wait until the kids are 4 years old to attend a regular school. At 3 years old, I put the kids in some unparented programs here and there based on their interests. However, due to Ravyn’s complete social isolation, we decided that she needed to attend regularly. Ravyn was also ready and wanting to go to school. However, preschool might not be affordable to all families.
Once activities opened up again, Ravyn and I have been doing as much as we can outside of the home. I had to make time for bike riding, the park, playdates with other kids, events in the community and so on. Swimming lessons were cancelled for such a long time that I forgot to start Ravyn in them this year. We have lots to catch up on and my family had to make it a priority.
I have noticed lots of ways my older kids have been affected by the pandemic as well. My sporty kid learned to play Minecraft and now does not want to do team sports anymore. One of my kids fell behind with online learning and will have to catch up. For 2 years, the grade 12’s and their families did not get to have their big graduation ceremony that they deserved. Every age group has been affected by the pandemic as well as the toddlers.
The bright side
There are lots of positive changes that have been made because of the pandemic. I feel that many children and adults had to learn that they can not control everything. We all had to learn how to better cope with change. This time also taught me that I enjoyed not driving kids to all their activities every night. Now, our family is not over scheduled and we like it that way. I also went from a big social extravert to someone who enjoys being by herself. It will be interesting to look back in 10 years to see how the pandemic might have changed how we do things.
How did your family manage during the pandemic? What did your children find the most challenging? I would love to hear from you!
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