Since I am already out of my comfort zone with this blog, I feel like I might as well move onto a personal topic: Holding onto anger and forgiveness.

I am a pretty fun-loving person and I work really hard at being positive. I like to accept people for who they are, to appreciate and focus on their good qualities. This works for me really well. Over the past year, I have been really struggling with letting go of anger towards one person. No matter what I do, I can not seem to let it go.

I have a little bit of experience with this. In the past, I had to forgive and let go of my anger towards my ex-husband. He had done some things that took me a long time to let go of, so I was very angry for a very long time. One day, I realized that he did not know I was still angry. He did not care that I was angry. The only person the anger was affecting was me. The anger I was feeling had negatively impacted me but not him. It prevented me from being happy and caused negative thoughts. At this time, I let the anger go. I have forgiven him, but I will never forget it. I moved forward away from anger, so I could be healthy in mind and spirit.

Now this particular person I am working hard to forgive hurt my children not me. This person caused enough harm that my daughter has PTSD. I feel anger towards this person daily when my daughter is hiding in a closet screaming in fear. I feel it when she is crying in my car or worrying about her future.

My first barrier with forgiveness is that she hurt them and not me. I worry about the future, how this has affected them and what will happen in certain scenarios. I worry how their experiences will affect other relationships in their lives. I could forgive and let go of the anger easier when it was me someone hurt but it wasn’t. I feel very protective of my children.

My second problem with forgiveness is the constant reminders from my children of what she did and how deeply it has affected my children. There are melt downs and then they just need to talk about it, a lot. These kids have suffered, and she keeps moving merrily on with her life. It is hard to let something go when others bring up the subject every day.

So this leads me back to the beginning. How do you let go of your anger towards someone and forgive their actions? In my mind, I know I have to do this, I know this anger is harmful. Unfortunately, I have not accomplished it. I am working on it…..

I have shared these very personal feelings in hopes that it opens a conversation. I would love to hear your thoughts or solutions to forgiveness.

I have been trying to lose the baby weight. I feel like I have been doing this for 13 years…well I have been I guess. It’s a long term battle for me. I will lose a few pounds and then Christmas or a vacation will come around and they creep back on. I actually started running so that I could burn calories to allot to wine. I need to factor the calories in. This week, I just got back from vacation and gained back all the weight I had lost in the past bit.

No matter where you are on your calorie intake, we have days where we overindulge. Maybe you have a few too many drinks at a party and then have hangover McDonalds. Maybe you go to your favourite restaurant and order 3 big courses and enjoy every second of it.

I had a friend that used to plan when she could over indulge. The entire day before, all she would do is eat vegetables. She would cut them up into a giant ziplock bag and carry it around. That takes extreme will power, especially if you have kids you are serving mac and cheese, cookies or garlic bread. I could never do it.

My problem is, I eat something extravagant, and then I immediately feel guilt for overeating. Why? I should be able to simply enjoy my extravagance, but I think I have been on a diet so long that I have trained myself to feel guilt. This guilt can lead to many decisions, but I find there are 2 big options I see.

1.    To say screw it and keep eating badly. I have already blown it. Its too hard….I feel fat…..might as well eat…

2.    To accept the indulgence, we need to live life and enjoy it, to be thankful for the treat and to keep on your calorie/consumption goal. I need to believe I am good enough for a treat but not let it derail or sabotage me.

This seems like there is an obvious right choice but when faced with all your friends eating hamburgers and fries while you look at a salad with grilled chicken, it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Often time, I waffle back and forth between the two choices or feelings.

My point to this story is that we as women beat ourselves up. We want to be skinny because that is what we think is pretty. I once went two years without eating a whole chocolate bar. Some might call it will power but I do not think so. I think we need to give ourselves a break. I think we need to be a woman and eat a nice meal, cake on our birthday and drinks in Mexico. No, we do not need to give ourselves heart disease by letting it all rip but we need to enjoy life. It’s the every day decisions we make that add up not the one meal. A simple habit of making your dinner portions slightly smaller each day is more helpful then not eating a hamburger once and a while.

I could get hit by a car tomorrow and I do not want to go out without chocolate. What I need to learn is how to balance it all! A well-balanced diet and exercise has to be the way to go. I do not care if I fit in someone else’s mold. I want to live and enjoy life! I wish this for us all.

Do you have any tips, tricks or stories? I would love to hear them.